


At the Mercy of Her Nightmares

by pancakemisery



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Domestic, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Gore, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2018-12-15 15:04:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11808426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pancakemisery/pseuds/pancakemisery
Summary: Angela and Fareeha both have their share of troubles. Both have been in active conflict and have seen traumatizing things. But they also know exactly how to guide each other through their flashbacks and breakdowns. Angela has a particularlly rough one, and as always Fareeha sits beside her and brings her back to safety. Then she comes up with a really nice thing to do to get her to a better mood.





	1. The Episode

**Author's Note:**

> I intend to do multiple parts and chapters in this piece, each covering a different step in dealing with a PTSD flashback episode. I've never done longform fic writing or most long form fiction in general so I'll be learning how to get better at it as I go, but I hope you enjoy my first proper short story.

Angela ran her hand over the bottom of Fareeha's shirt, pushing it up and revealing her tummy underneath. Her eyes drooped half open as she gazed at the pile of dark brown hair that sat in front of her. Moving her head forward, she rested her chin in the crook of Fareeha's neck, mumbling to herself about "the incident". Fareeha moved her head to lazily rub it against Angela's, making due with what little energy her drowsy state gave her so far. They both appreciated how cool the pillows always felt when they woke up. It was a stark contrast to the warmth they got from snuggling up so close together. Angela pulled herself up closer to her wife’s back, pulling her legs up trying to get as small as possible. Fareeha responded by pulling the covers closer around them; the thick wool fabric rubbing across their skin as it moved. Fareeha looked up at the clock sitting on the nightstand. It read 3:29am, far too early for them to be waking up. Slowly they drifted off back to sleep.

5:42am  
Fareeha is woken up by what for a moment thought was a snake like that ones that used to sneak into her bed as a kid. It’s just Angela kicking her legs around and knocking the blanket nearly off the bed. She knew it was still rather early because while the window had some light drifting in, it was still rather warm and dim as opposed to the early-midday sunlight. Fareeha felt her wife’s arms squeeze tightly around her waist, Angela's hands grabbing at her stomach for something to grab on. Fareeha reached down and grabbed the gal's hand and gripped tightly, weaving her fingers in between the fingers of her beloved. Angela's squeezing tightened up and then loosed as she settled into the comfort of knowing her wife was there. Fareeha heard her mumble a little more in her sleep, but it was impossibly incoherent given how deep in her sleep she was. It sounded panicked though, with short sharp comments, and leaving her gasping for breath.

Fareeha turned her head back to look at Angela's, moving her body so she could look her right in the face. She gently shook her darling doctor, giving her a little forehead kiss and gently encouraging her to wake up. With her eyes still closed, Angela ripped her hands away, flopping over and out of reach of Fareeha, as her mumbling got faster and more furious. Fareeha perched herself up on her elbow. She lowered her head and sighed heavily. This was the third time in the past two weeks this happened to Angela. She took the blanket and pulled it back over her wife, making sure not to touch her while doing so. Fareeha looked over at the clock and noticed how early in the morning it was. She could get up or she could try to get back to sleep, but something was kicking around in the back of her mind that she thought might make the latter nigh impossible. So she peeled the blanket of her body, leaving her exposed to the rather cool room. Bringing her legs from beneath her, she sat up and swung them over the edge of the bed. Looking around, her eyes darted between the door to the kitchen, the wardrobe, and the balcony. Using her arms, she gently lifted herself up and brought herself to her feet.  
She dug around, using her feet, for her slippers in the dim morning light. She couldn't quite find them and turning a light on would likely wake up Angie. That’s the last thing she wanted at a time like this, so she shuffled around the bedroom in her bare feet. Bringing herself over to the wardrobe, she gently pulled it open and reached for her robe hanging on a hook inside the door. She slipped her arms through the sleeves and pulled the belt as tightly around her waist as she could. Fareeha braced her hands on her biceps as she shivered slightly. Angela had her choice tonight of temperature for their room, like Fareeha had the night before. That girl and her swiss blood will always confuse her with just how much cold she can tolerate and still be comfortable. Actually, since it was so cold, Fareeha figured it would probably be a good time to make some hot cocoa. Softly closing the wardrobe, Fareeha tiptoed her way out of the bedroom. Walking down the hallway she passed by the bathroom and the room where she stored the Raptor suit when they stayed here.

Watching her head on the entrance to the kitchen, Fareeha ran her hand across the trim in the doorway. She approached the island and placed both her hands palm down on the countertop. She shook her head after realizing she had zoned out and looked at the clock on the microwave. 6:01am. She had been awake for about 20 mins and the time just kept crawling slower. She made her way over to the water kettle, tracing the edge of the counter with her index finger. The dark grey material felt cheap to her, but that made it comforting. It reminded her of all the safehouses she had briefly stayed in as a child. They felt homely to her, but unsettlingly homely. She pulled the kettle from its base. Popping the lid open she turned the faucet on and placed it under the water. Then she placed it back on the base and flipped the heat switch, almost forgetting to turn the water off. She dug around in the stash of Cocoa that Angela insisted they keep. At first Fareeha didn't see the draw but after spending a fair number of cold nights snuggled up to the misses, she grew to love its warmth and sweetness. And of course, they only stocked swiss chocolate-based mix. The doctor was incredibly picky about her chocolate, and it also helped her deal with the homesickness they both felt when they would go out on long term missions. Fareeha found her favorite flavor, a spicy chili pepper dark chocolate mix, and poured it into a mug she pulled out of the cupboard. After waiting a minute or two, the water in the kettle was boiling. She gently picked it up and filled the cup, leaving room to stir the powder. She placed the kettle back on its base and reached for a spoon in the silverware drawer. She took the mug into her hand and turned around to lean against the countertop. She gently stirred the powder.

"NO, STOP, LEAVE THEM ALONE. NO NO NO NO STOP DON'T TOUCH THEM" screaming boomed from the bedroom.

"ANGELA"

Fareeha dropped the mug in panic and it fell to the floor, shattering and spilling the cocoa all over the floor and up onto parts of the wall. She immediately took off for their room running at full speed. Upon bursting in through the door she saw one thing.

Angela sat sitting straight up on the bed, panting heavily as she dripped with a cold sweat. Her pupils were large and unfocused. She looked straight forward, and past the wall, the apartment and even the city around them and into the distant emptiness beyond that. Fareeha braced herself against the doorframe, her legs still shaking and nearly collapsed beneath her. After a minute or so of neither of them moving, Fareeha slowly made her way towards her wife on the bed.

"Angela, darling, I'm gonna sit down next to you, ok?" Fareeha spoke calm and slowly.

Angela didn't respond or move.

"Is it alright if I touch you?" Fareeha asked patiently, not wanting to throw her love into another episode.

Angela slowly nodded her head up and down, still not speaking nor moving the rest of her body outside panting motions. Fareeha carefully sat down next to her, and gently placed her hand on Angela's back. She started rubbing her back in small circles, being deliberate to not crowd around her wife.

Angela flopped down and landed her head directly in Fareeha's lap. It caught her off guard even though this happens every time Angie has flashbacks. Fareeha gently started running her fingers through Angela’s hair, keeping her other hand on the doctor's back. Slowly, over the course of several minutes, Angela's breathing slowed down, and the sweating stopped. She was still shaking slightly, so Fareeha reached for the comforter and pulled it up and around her wife.  
The sun began to rise, painting the bedroom orange. The reds and pinks danced around the floor and as they crawled up the walls, the colors shifted towards a soft yellow. The sunlight glinted off the vases in the room, leaving a patchwork of sunlight spots scattered around it. The midnight blue comforter mixed with the rosy shades of the morning light, slowly shifting into a royal purple. Angela's hair took on strawberry tones in what is usually strictly blonde. Her skin reflected the light easily, giving it the appearance of a warm glowing light. Fareeha's hand, placed gently on the cheek of her wife, became the shade of burgundy cloth. Her eyes reflected warm and cozy compared to Angela's light and airy.

"Habibi" Fareeha whispered, gently running her fingers through Angela's loosely hanging hair.

Angela didn't respond.

"Ya Habib Alby" Fareeha continued on, gently checking to see if her wife was responsive yet.

Angela curled up tighter.

"Ya Amar" Fareeha tried again, this time eliciting a response from Angela.

"Yes, Mein Liebling?" Angela forced out, with her voice giving out at the end.

"Do you want me to tuck you in Angela? I can fetch you some cocoa as well." Fareeha offered her spouse.

Angela barely nodded her head yes. Fareeha let her move herself over to the pillows and curl up how she would be comfortable. Then she used the blankets and formed a little nest pile for her. She even ran out into the living room to grab the blanket off the couch. She placed the final layer of comfiness on top of Angela. Fareeha placed a kiss on her wife’s head, and then sat there for a minute or so gently stroking her hair before she stood up. She walked over to the kitchen and started making her wife her cocoa.

Angela laid curled up on the bed. She kept her hands clenched together with a blanket in between. Her fingers kept busy tapping at each other much the way a Morse code operator's would on a transmitter. Her breathes were shallow but slow. She calculated them. Her eyes closed, and her head and body rocked gently back and forth. She focused on the pile of cloth on top of her. She felt the fibers between her palms, the weight upon her torso. She noticed how it shifted slightly as moved. Folds would form and unform, rubbing against her pajamas as they did. The blankets slid differently based on material. The one closest to her felt the heaviest and moved very little. Her eyes stayed closed.

The memories still lingered in her mind. Jack's screams as Gabe got hit. The crunch of his bones snapping and the slish as muscle fiber was fileted. How his face couldn't be made out beneath the blood. His screams tore through her and echoed with each of his breathes. The two things she could make out were the ringing of shellshock and the death howls of a man she dearly cared for. How she sat on her knees, her eyes gazing far past the flesh and blood before her. Ana calling for retreat as the Omnics closed in. How Angela refused to move or speak or acknowledge anything. How she took her staff and slammed it onto the ground, with Gabriel bursting into white light as the skin that was tearing itself apart now stitched itself together simultaneously. His anguished howling getting louder as nerves reconnected and he felt new pain for injuries he hadn't even known he had. His body shifting between ethereal mist and disfigured flesh with the screams temporality subsiding while most of his body ceased to exist in a stable form, only to return when he phased back into a mortal form. How Angela had stood up and turned and ran as fast as she could carry herself, as far as she could get from that scene. Far enough away that they never saw Gabriel after that day.

"Gabe, Gabe....... Gabriel.................I'm sorry Gabriel...................................................I did that to you" Angela began whispering to herself. Continuing with just the name Gabriel in a hushed tone.

Fareeha walked back into the room, sighing as she watched her wife suffering. She placed the two mugs of cocoa on the bedside table and sat down beside her darling. She gently pushed the blankets off Angela’s face and began to gently run her hand across the poor doctor’s head. Angela opened her eyes and for the first time that night, looked up and into Fareeha's.


	2. Negotiations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth finally comes out.

"I did this to you..." Angela whispered under her breathe.

"Angela, what'd you say?" Fareeha asked her in a hushed tone.

Angela sat there silent. She shuffled her weight back and forth. She moved her eyes off Fareeha's and looked off into the corner of the room, where a picture sat on a table. "It's my fault" slipped out of her lips.

"Angela, whatever do you mean? My luv, what was your nightmare about." Fareeha continued her questions, but softly.

"Fareeha, if I told you what my nightmares are of, would you hate me?" Angela muttered out, flinching as the words finished leaving her lips. "I did something...... it's my fault."

"Angela, Enta Habibi, you know you can tell me things." Fareeha responded, placing a hand on her wife's shoulder.

"They're of something I can't forgive myself for. It's about Gabe."

"Angie, what do you mean it's about Gabe? I thought he's been dead for years."

"We kind of just assumed that. We didn't see him die, but he did get lost in an active warzone. It was a particularly hectic battle with some of the Omnics." Angela moved to sit up slightly, moving farther from Fareeha in the process. She crossed her arms over her chest and kept her eyes locked down at the sheets or at her hands. "They were assaulting a reactor in Russia. They planned to shut it down as a form of ransom."

Angela stopped there. Her eyes began to tear up and she squeezed her arms tighter and pulled her face down into her arms. Fareeha reached out to rub her arm but pulled back half way. Angela cleared her throat as tears started dripping down her face. She pulled her legs up and rested her arms on top of her knees. The tears began to drip faster, leading Angela to wipe her eyes with her shirt sleeve.

Fareeha lowered her head to try to meet her wife's eyes, "Dear you don't need to talk about this if you don't want to." she reminded her.  
"I need to. It's been years Fareeha. I need to work this out, I need to ask questions." She choked on her words as they came out. "Every time I have a nightmare it's about my guilt over what happened."

Fareeha interrupted her wife. "What exactly happened to Gabriel?"

"We assumed he died at the time. Later I and a few other high-ranking overwatch members found out he wasn't, but we didn't let it get out. We did never talk to him again though. We didn't need to in order to know how he felt about us." Angela paused after saying that and looked away from Fareeha. She breathed in deeply, shaking her head subtly.

"....." Fareeha took in a breath to say something.

"Fareeha, you know about Talon, right?"

Fareeha nodded in confirmation with her face contorted in hesitated confusion.

"Angela, are you telling me Gabe is related to Talon?"

Angela sighed heavily and grabbed Fareeha's hands, placing them both in her wife’s lap. "Yes, we found out not too long after he disappeared. A hacker showed up. She knew a lot of things, things no one else knew about us. She was the one who told us what happened to Gabe."

Fareeha pulled her hands away from Angela's. She moved herself over the edge of the bed and stood up. Angela kept her eyes on Fareeha as she walked over to the balcony door. Fareeha pulled the door open and slipped outside. After a few moments Angela got up and slipped over to the door too. She hesitated on grabbing the door handle. She pulled her hand back, then reached back out and placed her hand across the handle. She grabbed it and waited. 1 second, 2 seconds, 3 seconds, 4 seconds, 5 seconds, 6 seconds, 7 seconds go by. She turned it and pulled the door open. Outside she saw Fareeha leaning against the railing and slumped over, gazing down at the street below. Fareeha's ears twitch as Angela stepped onto the balcony and the door closed behind her.

"Fareeha, mein Liebling...... it's ok if you're upset with me." Tears were dripping down Angela's face, her eyes reddened and baggy. Angela turned herself mostly away from Fareeha, and she tilted her head down. Tears continued to fall faster and heavier. There were several seconds of silence

"...."  
"...."  
"...."  
"...."  
"...."  
"...."  
"Oh Angela..." Fareeha placed her hand on her wife's back. "I didn't mean for you to think my reaction was about you. I just, I don't know how to process the fact that he's still alive. That he's still alive and my mother most likely knows, does she know? She used to cry over him after he disappeared, but she never told me anything about it. She always covered it up whenever she noticed I saw her."

"Do you think I'm a cruel person Fareeha? That I'm cruel and heartless? Do you think I've failed as a doctor..." Angela whispered out.

"Angela? Do you want my most honest opinion?" Fareeha answered. Angela's head sunk and turned farther away from her beloved. She nodded slowly at first and then slightly faster. "That depends, why do you blame yourself for what happened to Gabe?"

Angela choked on those words and gulped deeply. "We abandoned him during the mission. He had been fatally wounded and we were under too much fire. He wasn't gonna make it, that’s what we thought, and we didn't have time to extract him from his position when he was injured. We tried...... we honestly tried...... but our efforts didn't work like we expected."

"What do you mean 'not as expected'?"

"You know how I have the technology that can bring someone back to life if it’s used shortly after they died?” Fareeha nodded yes. “…...it brought Gabe back, but it cursed him.”

“Cursed how?” Fareeha furled her brow and squinted slightly, gazing at her wife with her mouth hung halfway open.

“He’s alive, but he’s always in the process of dying. The kicker is that he can’t actually die unless something externally would cause it. His cells are breaking down and reforming millions of times a second.”

Fareeha’s eyes dropped to the floor. She sat in silence as the clock ticked in the room behind them. 

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_(now dear reader I know you probably tried to skip over all of the second half of the last page. If you did, now go back and read it all, slowly, its there for a reason)_

Angela shrugged the hand on her back away. She turned and started towards the balcony door.

“Angie….” Fareeha slipped out.

She continued on walking inside.

“Angie!” Fareeha repeated, this time louder.

Angela stopped, but wouldn’t turn around to face her wife. Fareeha spun around and leaned against the railing. Fareeha picked her hand up and began running it through her hair. She opened her mouth several times to speak, and each time she closed it without making a sound. Another minute passed, and Angela once again walked towards their room.

“You’re not cruel.” Fareeha huffed out, her lips turned up and with tears pooling in her eyes. 

Angela stopped. She made some kind of mumbling sound that Fareeha couldn’t pick up.

“You’re not cruel because how could you have known. It’s not like that has happened since the earliest trials of the tech. And he would have died. Anyone would have tried to bring back their friend in that situation. He’s hurting, certainly. But it’s not your fault. There is no fault anywhere. It just happened.”

Angela turned and ran to her wife, collapsing in front of her. Tears poured down her face in streams. She remained silent, they both did. The only sound that could be heard was the occasional sniffle from Angie. Fareeha sat down next to her wife, pulling her close and rubbing her shoulder. The breeze gently tossing their hair. Robins could be heard far away, singing a song of joy. Below them on the street, the occasional car drove by, before fading off into the distance with a gentle rumble. The sun was rising over the mountains in the distance, its light warm and soft. It lay light upon the city like a parent would lay a blanket on their sleeping child. Angela rested her head on her beloved’s shoulder. They sat for a while, and Angela cried, and Fareeha continued to hold her, and the city slowly came to life around them.


End file.
